• Jessica Lynn Suchon

just to be alive on this fresh morning

I know that routines are incredibly important right now. For me, having my day as structured as possible is what keeps me grounded amidst all of the, well, everything. That being said, I've been trying to treat my mornings with a little less rigidity and move through them according to what is going to set me up for the most joy during the day. Typically, I start the day off with coffee and quiet. I get up around 5am most days. This is both a conscious choice, and something that happens because I'm too anxious to get back to bed. I wrap myself up in my fuzziest blanket, sit out on the back steps, and watch the sun come up as the sky turns all glowing and peach fuzz.

I want to believe there are good things on the way, so I try to grant myself as many good things as possible. Some mornings, what will make me feel best is to get in a quick workout. Some days, it's watching old cartoons and giggling mindlessly for an hour or so before hopping in the shower. Occasionally, I feel awake and invested enough to read a book or work on a writing project. My brain is freshest in the morning, but also takes quite some time to warm up. I'm a big fan of the morning bath. Sometimes I do some dishes while listening to a podcast, knowing what will make me feel best that day is not worrying about the strange food-stink in the sink basin. Sometimes what I need is to fill my body with fruits and veggies. Sometimes it's a strawberry pop-tart.

I'm someone who needs productivity and projects to cope with anxiety, so I've taken on plenty of new things to do lately, but I'm still trying to be gentle with myself. This is not a season where structured mornings will serve me well. It's a season for the assurance of watching the sun come up every day. It's both light and heavy enough just to be. It's enough to give myself whatever it is I need to get through the day.